How I can help

​Maybe you've found yourself searching things like "am I the narcissist?" or "am I the problem?" late at night.

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Perhaps someone sent you something about coercive control, and you recognised more of it than you expected.

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Or maybe you simply need somewhere to tell the whole story. Somewhere you can say what has actually been happening - to someone who won't flinch or change the subject - without having to protect your partner, defend yourself, or worry that they're going to take sides.

 

Sometimes the hardest part is that other people don't see what you see. Your partner (or ex) might seem wonderful to everyone else. You might even find yourself wondering whether you're imagining things.

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You don't have to work all of that out before you come to counselling.

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If you're exhausted from trying to make sense of what's happening or constantly questioning whether you're the problem, we can slow things down and carefully look at it all together.

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How I can help

 

Understand what's actually happening in your relationship

 

When relationship dynamics are complex, it can be surprisingly difficult to work out what's going on - especially if you're in the middle of it! Things don't always fit neatly into categories, and it's easy to lose sight of the bigger picture when you're dealing with one incident after another.

 

We'll look at what's happening in your relationship and the patterns that have developed over time, without jumping to conclusions or requiring you to diagnose anyone.

 

You don't need to arrive with the right terminology. You can just tell me what's been happening.

 

You may start to see the bigger picture more clearly, rather than spending hours replaying individual conversations and wondering what you missed. With a clearer understanding of the dynamics, it becomes easier to work out what you want, what you can change, and what isn't yours to fix.

 

Get out of the fog of self-doubt

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If you've repeatedly been told you're too sensitive, overreacting, remembering things incorrectly, or making a big deal out of nothing, you can eventually start questioning yourself.

 

Counselling can give you some space to step back from that and work out what you actually think and feel.

 

Sometimes that means recognising that you have contributed to a situation. Sometimes it means recognising that something wasn't okay. Usually, it's more complicated than either of those things.

 

Over time, you may become more comfortable trusting your own observations and decisions. You may spend less time asking other people whether your reactions are reasonable, and more time working out what you think is right for you.

 

Build boundaries that work

 

Boundaries can sound straightforward until you have to use one with someone who doesn't respect them.

We'll look at what boundaries actually make sense for your situation and how you can communicate and maintain them in the context of your real life.

 

That might mean dealing with an ex, managing a difficult family member, navigating a group chat, or working out what you're willing to do when someone repeatedly pushes past your limits.

 

Boundaries aren't about getting someone else to behave differently. They're about being clearer about what you will and won't participate in, and knowing what you'll do when your limits aren't respected. That can mean less explaining, less arguing and less getting pulled into interactions that leave you drained.

 

Understand and untangle trauma bonding

 

You can know that a relationship isn't good for you and still feel intensely attached to the person.

You might have left and still miss them. You might repeatedly find yourself going back. Or you might understand intellectually that something needs to change while feeling completely unable to make it happen.

 

If trauma bonding is part of what's happening, we'll work on understanding the pattern rather than judging you for being caught in it. The aim isn't to force you to leave or tell you what you should do. It's to help you understand what's keeping you stuck and gradually create more choice.

 

Understanding the attachment can make the experience feel less mysterious and less like a personal failing. You may begin to recognise what pulls you back in, notice the pattern earlier, and have more room to make decisions that aren't driven entirely by the attachment.

 

Navigate separation, co-parenting and what comes next

 

Separation doesn't necessarily mean the relationship is over in any practical sense.

 

You may still have to communicate with your ex, manage handovers, make decisions about the children, or deal with ongoing conflict. If you're experiencing post-separation abuse, those challenges can be even more complicated.

 

Counselling can give you somewhere to work through what's happening in the present while also making sense of the emotional impact of the relationship and the changes that come with leaving it.

 

You can develop ways of managing difficult interactions without every conversation taking over your day. You may become clearer about what needs your attention, what doesn't, and where you can conserve your emotional energy.

 

Protect your kids without losing yourself

 

When you're worried about what your children are experiencing, it's easy for everything to become about keeping them okay.

 

You might find yourself second-guessing your parenting, carrying enormous amounts of guilt, or trying to compensate for what is happening around them.

 

We'll look at how you can support your children while also looking after yourself. That includes understanding the patterns you're trying to change, responding rather than reacting, and making room for your own needs as well.

 

The aim isn't perfect parenting. It's having more capacity to respond thoughtfully when things are difficult, while helping your children feel supported without taking responsibility for everything happening around them.

 

Make sense of late-diagnosed or suspected ADHD

 

Sometimes relationship difficulties lead people to start looking more closely at themselves and wondering whether ADHD might be part of the picture. Sometimes this follows your child's diagnosis.

 

If that's something you're exploring, we can include it in our work. Understanding how your brain works can change the way you make sense of your reactions, relationships, expectations and capacity.

 

ADHD doesn't explain everything, but it can be an important piece of the puzzle.

 

A better understanding of your own patterns can help you distinguish between "I'm failing at this" and "this is something I need to approach differently." That can lead to more realistic expectations of yourself, better ways of managing your capacity, and a clearer understanding of how ADHD may be affecting your relationships.

 

Find yourself again

 

Sometimes, underneath all the relationship work, there's a bigger question:

 

Who am I when I'm not constantly managing someone else's reactions?

 

You may have spent a long time adapting, keeping the peace, second-guessing yourself or trying to be what other people needed.

 

Part of counselling can be finding your way back to your own opinions, instincts, humour, interests and sense of possibility - getting to know yourself again.

 

You may gradually find yourself making decisions based more on what matters to you and less on how someone else might react. Your life can start to feel less organised around managing a relationship and more connected to who you actually are.

 

What to expect from the process

 

 

Getting started

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Booking a first session can feel like a surprisingly big step.

 

You don't have to wait until things are falling apart before you seek support, and you don't need to be certain that what you're experiencing is "bad enough."

 

You also don't need to know exactly what you need help with. We can work that out together.

Your first session

 

There's no test to pass and no particular way you need to tell your story.

 

Some people arrive knowing exactly what they want to talk about. Others aren't sure where to start.

 

You might have a long list of things you've been thinking about, or you might start with something that happened that morning.

 

That's all okay.

 

The first session is about understanding what's brought you here, getting a sense of what might be helpful, and allowing you to see whether working together feels like a good fit. Feeling comfortable with the person you're speaking to is extremely important.

 

The ongoing work

 

What we talk about will depend on what's happening in your life.

 

Sometimes we'll work through something that happened years ago. Sometimes you'll bring in a difficult interaction from that week. Sometimes you just need somewhere to think out loud and make sense of things. Or to be deeply understood without it being a major effort.

 

I draw from a range of approaches, including ACT, attachment theory, EFT, solutions-focused brief therapy, CBT and trauma-informed psychoeducation. I don't expect you to sit there while I run through a collection of therapy techniques, though.

 

And I'm not going to tell you what to do or push any particular solutions or approaches onto you. That's not how I work.

 

Our work is collaborative and practical, with room for both serious conversations and occasional humour (you might find yourself laughing out loud more than expected) - sessions won't always feel heavy or painful. Clients often tell me they feel lighter after a session, particularly when they've finally had somewhere they can say things out loud and feel understood.

 

How long it takes

 

There's no fixed number of sessions.

 

Some people come for a specific period to work through a particular situation. Others stay longer as different issues come into focus.

 

We'll check in along the way about your current goals: what's changing, what's still difficult, and what you need from the process.

 

What tends to change

 

People often come to counselling feeling exhausted, confused, disconnected from themselves, or unsure whether they can trust their own judgement. They might be doing great at work or in other areas of their life, but on a personal level, they're not feeling as clear or confident as they'd like.

 

Through our work together, you may notice changes such as:

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• More clarity: Spending less time going around in circles, replaying conversations and trying to work out whether you're imagining things or missing something.

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• More confidence: Being more comfortable trusting what you've noticed, what you think and what you feel, without needing as much reassurance from other people.

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• Stronger boundaries: Becoming clearer about what you will and won't accept, what you're willing to participate in, and what you'll do when someone repeatedly crosses a boundary. This helps protect your time, energy and emotional wellbeing.

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• More choice in how you respond: Instead of automatically reacting to pressure or other people's emotions, shutting down, appeasing or getting pulled into the same arguments, you may have more capacity to pause, think and choose how you want to respond.

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• Less guilt and reactivity: Becoming better able to distinguish between taking responsibility for your own behaviour and taking responsibility for things that aren't yours to carry.

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• More capacity to cope: Difficult conversations or interactions may still be difficult, but they don't necessarily have to consume the rest of your day or leave you questioning yourself for hours afterwards.

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• A stronger sense of yourself: Reconnecting with your own opinions, interests, values, humour and preferences, rather than having your life organised primarily around another person's needs or reactions.

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• A greater sense of safety: Becoming better able to recognise what feels healthy and sustainable for you, and more confident in making decisions that support your wellbeing.

 

These changes don't necessarily mean that the difficult person in your life changes. Sometimes the most significant shift is that you are no longer as easily pulled into the same patterns.

 

The goal isn't to turn your life into some permanently serene, conflict-free existence - this doesn't exist. It's to help you feel more empowered - to have more understanding, more choice, and more trust in yourself as you move forward.

 

A note on cost

 

I know private counselling can be a significant financial decision.

 

It's reasonable to think carefully about whether counselling is something you can afford and whether it's the right time for you.

 

At the same time, ongoing stress and difficult relationship dynamics can affect almost every part of life. Work, parenting, relationships, sleep, confidence and your general capacity can all take a hit - they all carry their own costs.

 

Counselling isn't always a quick fix, but it can be a worthwhile investment in understanding what's happening, making different choices and building a life that feels more like your own.

 

Ready to talk?

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You don't need to have everything figured out before you get in touch.

 

You can book a session or get in touch if you'd like to ask a question first.

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If you're not ready yet, perhaps you'd like to try the relationship self-assessment. 

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