Love or limerence - navigating the early stages of a relationship

When you're starting a new relationship, it's easy to get swept away with the dizzying emotions and the array of new possibilities this person may bring into your life. But it's essential to understand the distinction between love and limerence to navigate these feelings effectively.

What is love?

Love is a deep, enduring connection characterized by mutual respect, trust, and care. It's something which grows gradually over time, and is rooted in understanding and acceptance of each other's flaws and strengths.

What about limerence?

Limerence is often mistaken for love but is more of an intense infatuation or obsession with someone. It's characterized by intrusive thoughts, idealisation of the other person, and a strong desire for reciprocation.

A classic example of limerence is when people become obsessed with celebrities and may even feel like they genuinely love them. These feelings are usually based on a public image created through performances and media appearances as opposed to any genuine connection with who the person really is. The feelings are intense, and they absolutely feel real, but comes from a place of fantasy rather than reality.

Why it matters

Understanding the differences between love and limerence can help you recognise whether your feelings are based on genuine affection or fleeting infatuation. While limerence can be exhilarating, it often fades over time, whereas love deepens and matures.

In the early stages of a relationship, it's normal to experience a mix of emotions, including limerence. However, being aware of these feelings can help you make informed decisions about your relationship and avoid potential pitfalls.

I've personally experienced limerence a number of times in relationships, even though I didn't recognise it at the time. And I can assure you, it's a path towards unrealistic expectations and disappointment.

I've also been on the receiving end of limerence. You know when you're with someone who thinks you're perfect and amazing, and can't stop gushing about how great you are, even though they hardly know anything about you yet? That's a symptom of limerence. They're not seeing you as you are, they're seeing a completely idealised version of you through a kind of mental filter.

Conclusion

Navigating the early stages of a relationship can be both thrilling and challenging. By understanding the nuances between love and limerence, you'll have a stronger chance of developing a healthier and more meaningful connection with your partner.